The Pressure to Be a Perfect Parent—And Why You Should Let It Go
You scroll through social media and see picture-perfect families—smiling kids, spotless homes, and parents who seem to have it all together. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to get through the day without another meltdown (theirs or yours). It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short.
Parenting today comes with immense pressure; we want to give our kids the best possible childhood, set them up for success, and be the kind of parents they’ll look back on with gratitude. But in trying to do everything right, we often set impossible standards for ourselves—leading to stress, guilt, and burnout.
This is why we sat down with Dr. Ashley Miller on the Parenting Ed-Ventures podcast. Dr. Miller is a McGill and UBC-trained child and adolescent psychiatrist, an Interpersonal Psychotherapy supervisor, and a family therapist. She is passionate about parent mental health, and medical education. She is also the co-author of What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers.
Dr. Miller offers an important reminder: Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection.
The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism in Parenting
Many parents today feel an overwhelming need to “get it right.” Whether it’s ensuring their child eats a perfectly balanced diet, follows the best sleep schedule, or achieves developmental milestones exactly on time, there’s a constant pressure to measure up.
This pressure isn’t just internal—it’s reinforced by social media, parenting books, and well-meaning advice from friends and family. While these sources can sometimes fuel unrealistic expectations, they can also offer valuable insights, support, and a sense of community. The key is approaching them with balance and discernment. According to Dr. Miller, striving for perfection can actually be counterproductive. When parents focus too much on doing everything the “right” way, they risk becoming anxious, overwhelmed, and disconnected from their child’s actual needs in the moment.
As Dr. Miller explains, “We put so much more pressure on ourselves and have such higher expectations of ourselves than what our kids have for us. Kids basically want you to be around, to be there when they need you, and to be yourself. It's the parents.”
By recognizing that children don’t expect perfection—only presence—parents can release some of this unnecessary self-imposed pressure and focus on what truly matters: being emotionally available and engaged.
The Power of Good Enough Parenting
Instead of chasing perfection, Dr. Miller encourages parents to embrace “good enough” parenting—a term coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. It means being responsive and loving while recognizing that mistakes, frustrations, and challenges are a natural part of family life.
Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are present, emotionally available, and willing to repair mistakes when they happen. When parents let go of the idea that they must do everything flawlessly, they actually create a healthier emotional environment for their kids.
From Reacting to Responding: Managing Stress in Parenting
One of the biggest challenges in parenting is managing our own emotional responses, especially in moments of stress. Dr. Miller explains that there’s a difference between reacting and responding when faced with a difficult situation with your child:
Reacting is immediate and often emotionally charged—yelling, punishing out of frustration, or feeling personally attacked by a child’s behaviour.
Responding is more thoughtful. It involves pausing, regulating your own emotions, and addressing the situation in a way that supports both you and your child.
A simple but powerful tool for making this shift is taking a deep breath before speaking. It allows your brain to move from the fight-or-flight response to a calmer, more rational approach. Modelling this self-regulation teaches kids how to manage their own emotions, too.
It’s Never Too Late to Strengthen Your Parent-Child Bond
A common worry among parents is that they’ve already made too many mistakes to turn things around. Maybe they’ve been too reactive, too strict, or too distracted. Dr. Miller reassures parents that it’s never too late to grow and improve as a parent.
One of the most effective ways to rebuild connection with your child is through repairing moments of disconnection. If you lose your temper or handle a situation poorly, simply acknowledging it—“I was really frustrated earlier, and I didn’t handle that well. I’m sorry”—can be incredibly healing for both you and your child. As Dr. Miller puts it, “Whether your child is 2 or 42, it's never too late to come back to something that's happened between you and to talk about what happened, to acknowledge the child's feelings of disconnection and maybe to say what you wish you had done differently and to move forward.”
Letting Go of the Pressure, Embracing the Moment
Parenting is messy. There will be chaotic mornings, bedtime battles, and plenty of moments where you question whether you’re doing enough. But as Dr. Miller emphasizes, what matters most isn’t perfection—it’s being emotionally available and willing to keep learning and growing alongside your child.
Instead of asking yourself, Am I doing everything right?, try asking, Am I showing up for my child? That shift in perspective can make all the difference.
